How to Date Again (After a Breakup)
It has been a few months since my breakup with me ex-boyfriend, but I am happy to report that I am back in the dating game. (Read my post on how to get over a breakup here.) I’ll be completely honest, it wasn’t easy at first. I had to take time for myself to process what happened and prepare myself for the dating world again. I’m not the type to rebound to get over an ex. I’m the type to take my time, clarify what I am looking for, create a plan of action and go for it. I’ve had rebounds, don’t get me wrong, but this time around I don’t see the point in one. I’m looking for something more substantial with a potential life partner. Fuck boys and flings just won’t cut it.
The First Date…
My first date with someone new after my breakup was the hardest. It was a good date, don’t get me wrong, but the connection wasn’t there and I was reminded that dating is a time commitment and not all of them will be perfect suitors. I came home feeling deflated like I could have spent the night just as content on my couch watching a romantic comedy and eating popcorn. I was proud of myself, however. Proud that I had put in the effort in this search for a partner and that I was able to move on from a previous toxic relationship and start the building blocks of the new and improved me.
Love Hate Relationship…
Dating: I am aware that it is a love-hate relationship for some people including myself. I love meeting new people, going out and having fun. The flip side to that is I hate getting my heart broken when he doesn’t call again (if I liked him.) But it’s part of life. That is the amazing thing about love. Even when it’s failed in the past, or when we get our hearts broken, we are still willing to try again and again until we find it.
Take Time for You…
After a breakup, or if you’re just not wanting to date, just take time for you. Don’t let anyone pressure you into anything. Go to the gym, take a class, learn a new skill, meditate, start a fitness routine. Of course, if you’re complaining that there are no good guys out there, but you’re not doing anything to meet more guys, then you’re just complaining. Make a conscious effort, but it doesn’t have to be every single day.
Make an Effort…
I wish the man of my dreams would just fall into my lap. For some people, he does. But for those of us that don’t have that luck, we have to be willing to put in the work to find Mr. Right (or Mrs. Right.) I believe that if you sit around moping all day about why you’re still single, you’re doing yourself a disservice. Brush your hair, put a little makeup on, smile and wear a pretty dress each and every chance you get. You never know if you’ll to run into a potential suitor as soon as you step outside your house. (Not to mention that it makes you feel good to look good!) I also recommend you read Matthew Hussey’s book “Get the Guy.” It’s my dating bible and a great viewpoint from a man’s point of view.
Know what you’re looking for…
Before I got back to dating, I literally made a list of the qualities in a man that I am looking for. For example, he must be confident, take good care of himself (health and fitness), have a sense of humor, be family oriented, etc. I’m not interested in the hot, six-pack abs f*ck boy that I was attracted to in the past. I’ve also decided I am going to be straightforward with the men I meet. I’m not afraid to ask if a guy wants kids or wants a relationship on the first date. I’m not in a rush for those things, but I need to know that we have a similar mindset and want similar things.. I’m looking for a relationship with a quality guy and I don’t care if that scares guys away. If it does then they’re not meant for me! Instead of trying to “say and do the right things” let your intentions be known. That’s the only way you can ensure you end up with what you want.
Don’t be afraid of dating apps. 99.9% of the dates I’ve been on have come from Bumble. 1 from Match.com and 1 from Tinder – those apps were not for me. I could write an entire post about the pros and cons of Bumble dating, and maybe I will. It’s my favorite dating app for many reasons. But I can tell you that with dating, its a numbers game. Expect to match with 50, reach out to maybe 30, hear back from 20, have a conversation with 10 and actually go out with 1-2.
Don’t be afraid to screen out anyone that’s not suitable for you. Ask to have a phone call before you meet. That way you can see if you vibe on the phone before spending an HOUR getting ready, driving there, having an awkward conversation and driving home thinking that you just wasted 2 hours that could have been spent watching TV.
There are so many great men & women out there and once you find your person, the heartbreak of the past will be a long gone memory. I would love to hear what you think of my dating tips and if you have any of your own that you’d like to include. Leave me a comment below of you can email me with questions and I can answer them here anonymously. I’ve started a dating section on the top menu under “Lifestyle” with more of my dating posts. As always, thanks for stopping by and good luck out there!
Hope you enjoyed these tips on how to date again. Let me know if you have any questions!
SHOP MY LOOK:
Eliza J Dress // Pour la Victoire Heels // Saint Laurent Bag
Photos by Taylor Schroeder